Trish Louise Adams

Trish Adams was born in 1954 in Outwell in Cambridgeshire and she passed away on 3rd september 2004 aged fifty. She was a qualified staff nurse and had just passed her RGN exams when she got the news that she had M.S. At the time she lived in Downham Market, with me (her eldest daughter) and my sister Kate was at boarding school, my dad was in the Navy which he left quite soon after the discovery to look after her( even though they had divorced!!!) They remarried after he returned home . She left her mother and brother, her husband, (my dad), my sister and me and her first grandchild.. Khalin Rose only missing her first birthday by a couple of weeks, aswell as many other family and friends. She lived with M.S. for nearly ten years and i don't think life could have been any worse for her as the disease took hold very fast leaving her housebound and in alot of pain. Was it a blessing in disguise that night when her breathing became very laboured and my dad called an ambulance? None of us thought that her passing away would be the outcome but she had developed a blood clot on her lung that she just could not fight and died before any of us could get there to say goodbye.
When i was little you always used to say that i did not appreciate you and "you wait till you have kids of your own" and looking back i did not understand everything that you did for us, most people have the chance to apologise to their mums when they grow up and have a family and realise the hard work that it causes, but i did'nt so i want to let you know how sorry i am, especially as i have two children now, about all the stress that i caused you and if you were here i would make you a cup of tea and you could recite all the stories about me when i was little, and we could have the biggest hug ever and i know that you would forgive me, and we could laugh at dad and all his misfortune coz i know you found it funny when we wound him up for a change!! what abot that time when i told him his school photo was on the internet at "world school photographs.com" and when he went on there it was a picture of an orang a tang. I remember when i brought khalin to see you as a surprise for your fiftieth birthday and we took you for a walk in your chair and you wore that poncho... I still have that and it still smells of you.
I also blame you for my shopping habit.. i remember when we used to go for days out to peterborough and you would buy me loads of clothes, when you were not ill you were an amazing person and very brave and i remember a loving childhood with lovely christmases and holidays and i think that you did a grand job of bringing me and kate up.. i wish so much that you could see your grandchildren now too you would be so proud, khalin absolutley loves ballet like you used to and she dances and sings... or she tries to and kieran is going to be a complete thug I think that we all would be lost without them especially dad he dotes on them, we often say how much you would love them, it is not fair that you have not been given that chance.
When i say i love you mum,
Its not just for today,
its for yesterdays warm memories
and the way you made me feel
with your comfort and your love
and how you gently guided me to all that i dreamt of
and when i say i love you mum
its for every tommorrow too
coz now and always in my heart is unending love for you xxxx

I read that poem at your funeral and i made it untill nearly the last line untill i cried, but i was so pleased that i had done it.
I am sorry we did not see eye to eye all the time mum and that i always spoke to dad when i phoned, if only i could turn back time infact i still sometimes think "oh i must phone mum" or i dream that you are still here and when i wake up you are not and i realise that it is too late. words cannot express how much i regret not spending quality time with you in the last years.. I love youxx